Worth

     Sometimes, well a lot of the time really, I feel like I am not worthy enough to live the life that I do. I feel like I am not worthy enough to be my youth's worship leader. I feel like I am not worthy enough to be in the top 20 of my class. I feel like I am not worthy enough to have the amazing friends that I do have. I feel like I am not worthy to being a group leader, a role model, for girls under me. I feel like I am not worthy enough to be called a Christian. I feel like I am not worthy enough to to be called their daughter, his sister, God's child. I constantly feel unworthy. No matter what I do the feeling never goes away.

               "Love your neighbor as you love yourself." — Matthew 22:39

     But what if I don't love myself? What if I hate myself, then am I supposed to hate my neighbor as well? How is it possible to love someone if you do not love yourself? My life consists of constant doubt of whether or not I am worth living. I would never take my life, but I don't know if I would be afraid of dying either. I know that God loves me and I know, for the most part, that my family loves me. But do my friends actually care about me? Does my church family actually care about me? If I were to disappear off of the face of the earth, who all would care?

     I want to be able to live my life loving myself. I want to be able to look in the mirror and not hate the image I see. I want to be able to see my friends and know that they care. I want to know that I am worthy of the life that I have been given. I don't know if I will ever be okay with the person that I am, or if I will have self-worth, but I will try.